Monkeys For Helping

Monday, November 30, 2009

Oooooo Weeeee ...

So, I haven't watched SNL in a long time, but last week the stars aligned and I happened to catch this shining gem of retarded genius. Between the mildly concussed look in Kenan's eyes and the irresistible catchy-ness of the song I had to share.
ENJOY!!!

This skit makes me wonder where Kel is now??? Probably off drinking orange soda somewhere...

posted at 12:54 AM by Kid Dammit
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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Early Annual Turkey Consumption Day

I'm off to the forest regions of the South, where as a straggler I will graciously accept my friend's family invitation to gorge on their roasted communal bird and any other foodstuffs I can get my freeloading hands on. And time permitting, maybe sneak in some dragon punch practice under the waterfall in back of my Shidoshi's condo. Kiaaa!!!!! Happy happy. I wish you all the best! (Except the Turkeys. I wish them nothing but swift death and a future inside my stomach.)

Love, Recon

Labels: Save me some pie

posted at 6:42 PM by Recon
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Monday, November 23, 2009

Dear Monday,

YAAAAAAAAAARRR!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

Labels: Aliens stole my pants. But at least I still have my Tomahawk.

posted at 10:00 AM by Recon
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Sunday, November 22, 2009

Boum! goes the dynamite

Labels: Box office gold

posted at 11:59 PM by Recon
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NASA: Still no sign of intelligent life in space

In related news, New Jersey has been discovered in the Buttafuoco Star Cluster near Alpha Centauri.

Labels: Dropping Science

posted at 11:58 PM by Recon
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Thursday, November 19, 2009

Thriller 8-Bit Tribute Mix

Nothing approximates the soundtrack inside my head better than this. So cool.

It's actually too cool. I feel self-conscious watching it, like I'm a high school freshman again who just arrived at the cool senior party with nobody to talk to except my older brother who has a mustache and smokes cigarettes. Then I look around for him, suddenly realizing that he managed to disappear into the crowd with a bunch of other people with mustaches, presumably to go and smoke reefer out in the garage and talk about tits and Metallica.

Now all I can do is watch my palms sweat and fight off the anxiety by drinking beer after beer and doing all the free drugs I can as fast as possible before I freak out, which in doing so would label me the "sweaty hands freak-out guy" for the next 4 years, setting up the core framework of my social identity which I will undoubtedly carry with me well into my dysfunctional adult years.

Wow. Where was I? Oh yeah. This video is like laser heroin for 30+ retired rave dorks. Watch it and prepare to have its wonderfully synthetic sounds engage in the act of taboo digital lovemaking with your retro-nostalgic ear drums.

Labels: Robot Vincent Price would cry about not being included in this if he had feelings.

posted at 2:10 AM by Recon
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TMNT Amber Alert

The Turtles are back. And this time, they don't want Pizza.

Labels: This explains why Splinter took refuge in the sewers.

posted at 2:09 AM by Recon
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Video game lesson #83: Punching fixes everything.

Labels: Crime pays.

posted at 2:01 AM by Recon
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Monkeys on Ice.

Well I can't really say anything to make this any better than it already is. All I know is it makes my brain feel like there's a disco ball bouncing lasers off the insides of skull. These monkeys are probably not as smart as me, but that doesn't mean I don't respect the shit out of them. I know I can't ice skate without falling on my face 56 times in a row and using profanity like it's the new Twitter.

So just for the record, allow me to say fuck a skate. While I'm at it, fuck a rink, fuck a puck, fuck a Zamboni. I hate all that shit.

Yet despite being a skater hater, I confess now to all of you that my cold heart can't resist the sight of chimpanzees in Cosby sweaters.

This gets a 10 for excellence. I get a 1 for becoming a skating aficionado. (If even for just 30 seconds.)

Labels: bout it bout it like Boitano

posted at 1:22 AM by Recon
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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Give It to Me Straight, Mr. Parker

Screen writing tip number 42: When at a loss for dialog, just have your characters narrate their own actions. This technique is quick, easy and has the added benefit of making it very difficult for the director to fuck up "your" movie/TV show.

Look out Peter, alternative Spiderman seems to have the power of exposition.

Labels: this is a gun

posted at 12:07 PM by the unbeatable kid
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Ill Alliance

Nothing like a little visual confirmation of you worst nightmare.

(via neatorama and this)

posted at 12:01 PM by the unbeatable kid
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Friday, November 06, 2009

Picture of the Day

Kevin loved to show the cowards his Key West Kitchen Karate after kicking it with his crew over Kahlua and Keno. Kiaaah!

Labels: I see your using the Southern Schnapps Stance. Very nice.

posted at 10:00 AM by Recon
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Thursday, November 05, 2009

Why choose a Sockalingam & Peeler Real Estate Agent for your next market move?

Two reasons.

Photobucket

They punch the real estate market. In the face.

Plus, they've got Cocaine.

(via tofuttibreak)

Labels: Rod Stewart's awkward second cousin Doug Stewart is apparently doing terrific.

posted at 2:02 AM by Recon
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Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Ode to the Internet

I love the internet. It takes it only two letters to guess my thoughts.

posted at 9:52 PM by the unbeatable kid
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Yesterday's Dummies

Give me 5 more entertainment geniuses like the creators of this "act" and I will take over Hollywood. I love the fake house set, I love the creepy ventriloquist smiling and the overwhelming whiteness of the whole endeavor plays. The "just got out of the barber's chair" look could use a little refinement though. Were they expecting rain in the studio?

(via cynical-c)

posted at 1:09 PM by the unbeatable kid
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