Monkeys For Helping

Monday, March 31, 2008

Chinese Hammer, Please Be My Sensei.

Thank God, for blessing you. With a fashion sense bordering on crime, and two hyped feet. Fresh new kicks and pants, You got it like that. Thank you for letting all of us mark ass busters recognize that you are indeed cold on a mission so we can proceed to fall on back. Thank you kind sir for letting them know that you're too much. And that in fact this is a beat they can't touch.

(via Everlasting Blort)

Labels: Yo sound the bell school is in sucker

posted at 12:53 AM by Recon
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Mr. T brought boy out of coma

Former The A-Team star Mr. T once stunned a sick child's family by bringing him out of a coma - after doctors begged the actor for help.

The poorly kid fell unconscious in Detroit, Michigan in the mid-1980s - and the only physical movement he made was in response to hearing Mr. T's name.

And when the mohawked star was in town, he stopped by the hospital to visit the ill boy - with miraculous results.

He tells Empire magazine, "His family put toys around him and one of them was a Mr. T doll. And whenever my name came up, the boy moved his arm.

"Somebody told the doctors I was in town, so they called me down there. I closed the curtains and prayed. Then, as I was walking down the hall, the kid suddenly came out of the coma and hollered out.

"That was my supernatural moment."

(via)

Labels: I pity the fool who doesn't realize my godlike powers of healing

posted at 12:47 AM by Recon
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Bruce vs. Bruce

(via MCS)

Labels: wawww..waww...waww...WHAHHHH

posted at 12:38 AM by Recon
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CGI woman is amazingly creepy

Click the pic..

(via BB)

Labels: It's computers, man. Wow.

posted at 12:31 AM by Recon
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Amazing Elephant Painting

This elephant is painting an elephant better than I could ever hope to paint an elephant and that is fucking amazing in ways I can't even begin to comprehend or express. Wow. This is so unbelievable.

(via Boing Boing)

Labels: Elephants are officially the kings of the land of awesome.

posted at 12:21 AM by Recon
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Monday, March 24, 2008

Picture Of The Day

Man, Marilyn really liked to party.

Labels: Wookies in the motherfuckin house.

posted at 10:43 PM by Recon
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Heavy Metal Parking Lot

When I'm standing wedged in a sea of frowning commuters on the morning W train trying not to make contact with the 400 sets of equally tired eyes surounding me, I like go to a special place inside my weary mind. And that place is 1986, specifically in the parking lot of a Judas Priest/Dokken show.

There are so many amazing things to see in this classic documentary, and more awkward mustaches and man crushes on Rob Halford than you can count. Make sure you watch the end to check out clips from the filmmaker's other works "Monster Truck Parking Lot" and "Neil Diamond Parking Lot"..and some lost footage from the original movie, which features the most metal(?) person I've ever seen in my entire life..(peep the magic that is Zebraman at 26:35).

And if you didn't already know, Priest rules.

(via BoingBoing)

Labels: Good clean American fun

posted at 10:33 PM by Recon
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Photoshop Disasters

I'm no computer genius (I might be, I'm still waiting for the results from the lab to come back) but some of these Photoshop disasters are absolutely ridiculous. Check out this blog that makes it's mission to catalog all the sloppy failures of hack job DVD covers, photos, and magazine covers..All those glossy, washed out pics of Eva Longoria where she looks like a Gelfling dipped in plastic make so much sense now. Every time I see her squishy munchkin face cheesing on the cover of Vanity Fair Maxim People Weekly I want to set my own face on fire with hate and anguish. At least now I know she has a human heart beating inside that 67 pound frame.

(click pic for link!)

(via Neatorama)

Labels: computers and the nerds that use them..poorly.

posted at 10:27 PM by Recon
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Gaming On Steroids

Don't hate the player, son. Hate the game.

Labels: That lady's not going to win at Breakout but clearly has a winning attitude.

posted at 10:06 PM by Recon
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Is there anything this man can't do?

And what exactly does a computer verifier do? Whatever, he tames tigers and swingers so he gets my vote.

(via myconfinedspace)

Labels: Two shots of whiskey.. hold the bongos.

posted at 9:58 PM by Recon
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Sunday, March 23, 2008

Nightcrawlers Push the feeling on

OK, for years and years, this song's lyrics have baffled me, kinda like Quest's Electric Relaxation... well finally I did a little web sleuthing and uncovered what they were saying.

The lyrics don't make sense on their own, they're cut up from the 1992 release. The vocals are John Reid.
Original Lyrics -
"And those who suffer pain, will begin to live their Lives again.
And this world will be a place to learn, but its up to you, to pull us through."

Re-sampled Lyrics -
"Their Lives again / Their Li / to pull us through" (Main Loop Throughout Song)

"Place to learn / Their Liv / its up to you" (Secondary Loop)

from dragontorc on this board

Listen for yourself while you read the lyrics

All is revealed here

more here

posted at 3:52 AM by sleepONE
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Friday, March 21, 2008

Question Of The Week

What's so "super" about this van?

Labels: 1970's, classy, mustaches

posted at 12:35 AM by Recon
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The Kid's Got It.

Move over David Elsewhere, there's a new wunderkind representing one time for the kindergarten massive. This kid's got moves. Uber killer stupid silly fresh killa dopetastic moves. Punch-me-inside-my-own-bewildered-face fantastical moves. He's the best, around. No one is ever going to keep him down. I wish I could take this kid to banks and use him to hypnotize the tellers into forking over money to me.

Jesus, just look at him go! He's fucking awesome. He's like the Chinese kid from Goonies minus the gadgets. Because he doesn't need them. Why would anyone need a boxing glove on a spring when they possess the kind of floor moves that would make Satan cry blood? His moves reminds me of Jackie Chan's in Drunken Master 2. But he's clearly drunk on something else..that special kind of joy that only comes when a 7 year old gets his hands on his brother's rap mix and proceeds to get his motherfucking Crunk on. What a great way to start Friday off..I hope that when I'm doing these moves in the street tomorrow I don't get tasered.

(thanks Sleep ONE!)

Labels: He's like a superhero in matching sweats.

posted at 12:16 AM by Recon
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Sale!

Wait a second...are you honestly telling me that the hobo pederast boozehound Santa beard is actually on sale? I'm shocked beyond words. Those things are like crack for people like me. I have at least a dozen of them at home and can't get enough. I'm really into them for two reasons:

1: I fucking love Christmas.
2: I'm a sucker for detail and realism.

Labels: The actor looks like he's been crying. And I couldn't be less surprised.

posted at 12:07 AM by Recon
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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Justice- DVNO

You might remember the French electronic duo Justice from Mantis's post a while back..That video was totally boss, and this video for "DVNO" is just as geektastic. The old school logos are so on point, especially the retro HBO style one. Check the freshness.

Labels: The new Daft Punk? Ah Oui Oui.

posted at 12:16 AM by Recon
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Bloodsport: Rock N Roll Heros

Labels: Best...movie...ever.

posted at 12:14 AM by Recon
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Monday, March 17, 2008

Doug Henning, I want to crush you up and sniff you.

My god, can he be more likable? He looks like Gallagher's Russian cousin Ivan who spends his summers as a guitar tech for The Scorpions.

Looking at this picture, I realized something. This is the only time in my life that a magician made me happy. Right on, Mr. H. Right fucking on.

Labels: His shirt is like a disgustingly blue universe far far away

posted at 11:51 PM by Recon
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Queen of the Jungle

King Kong was never a big hit in England. Why? Because they have a queen, baby. The idea of a king makes about as much sense to them as dignified reserve does to Tom Cruise. In order to correct this deficit, somebody had the bright idea of sex swapping King Kong for Queen Kong and the rest is history. We've come along way, lady apes.

I can't wait until Helen Mirren and Peter Jackson team up for "The Queen Kong." The Oscar is in the bag.

Labels: ok queenie take it away

posted at 10:36 AM by the unbeatable kid
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Friday, March 14, 2008

Benny Hill: WTF?

When I was younger, Benny Hill used to confuse the hell out of my still-developing pubescent brain. Am I supposed to laugh, or get a boner? Why is everyone moving so fast? This clip adds to that mix the added confusion of whether I should be offended at Benny Hill in blackface. Is Benny Hill foreign enough to get a pass, like the Japanese karaoke masters (he IS English)? You be the judge.

Labels: benny hill, blackface, Disco

posted at 3:48 PM by Mantis
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Politics make so much more sense now.

(via yayhooray)

Labels: Politics, Video Games

posted at 12:55 AM by Recon
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Monday, March 10, 2008

Japan: WTF?

I have written 17 different things about this clip, but none have accurately described the confusion my brain is experiencing right now, so I will just submit this video for your consideration without comment.

Labels: Japan, WTF

posted at 8:45 AM by Mantis
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Sunday, March 09, 2008

An M4H made-for-blog movie script excerpt

Michael: Hey guys.

Brett: 'Sup guy.

Scott: How's it going, guy.

Michael: Can you believe old man Johnson and his bullshit attitude?

Brett: Um. Well..

Michael: Ok, you're my people, and i know you'll give it to me straight. How did I do?

Brett: The truth, Michael? It was...eh.

Michael: Aw, crap. I'm so fucking dead. I might as well return this beautiful suit so they can give it to someone who deserves it.

Scott: Hey relax, guy.

Michael: No, no, no, no, Scott! I will not relax. He really hated my piecharts. Even the orange ones. Christ, what kind of maniac doesn't like orange piecharts? I feel like i'm lost in Crazytown. Oh gosh, I need a drink.

Scott: Yeah, Bro. He really hates you.

Michael: Thanks, alot Scott.

Brett: Michael. Just stop it. This is 1981. Life moves fast. Stop whinging like a little girl. It's disgusting. And besides, you can't return the suit because we bought the set together. And I know I'm not ready to part with these threads, pimpin'.

Brett: I hear that, dawg.

Michael: Guys, I just feel lately like I'm some kind of suave urban Indiana jones in my own personal temple of doom.

Scott: Stop being so hard on yourself. You're more like that squawky Chinese kid to my Dr. Jones.

Brett: First of all, I'm Dr. Jones. Scott, you're built like a Chinese boy. And Michael, that leaves only one spot: The crying lady. Look. You sucked today. Big deal, brosef.

Scott: Plus you suck alot of the time, so I don't think Johnson will notice, Mike.

Brett: Shut it, Scott. Go huff some glue.

Scott: Spoken like a true non-glue sniffer. Stop trying to keep me down. This bird has to soar.

Michael: You know what? You guys are awful friends. I'm outta here. If you need me I'll be in the park eating big league chew. Peace out, losers.

(totally boss picture via Vintage ads)

Labels: Look out Hollywood here comes another mediocre screenwriter

posted at 5:30 PM by Recon
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Friday, March 07, 2008

India: If You Weren't A Country, I'd High Five You.

Richard Dean Anderson's style knows no borders.

Labels: If you ask for the Jack Bauer you'll catch a kick to the eye

posted at 12:14 AM by Recon
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Spider-Fail

Labels: These 3 seconds are better than spiderman 3

posted at 12:07 AM by Recon
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Thursday, March 06, 2008

Retro Fashon Extravaganza

Women not wearing skirts? What kind of crazy mixed up future awaits us? I'm also not sure how an electric belt will adapt the body to climactic changes. Maybe, it numbs the senses of the wearer with repeated shocks. Oh Swish! is the new Oh Snap!

(via milkandcookies)

Labels: candy for cuties

posted at 11:15 AM by the unbeatable kid
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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

What's in a Game's Name?

Looking for a unique gift to give a loved one this non-holiday season? Here's a great game that has enough sexual innuendo for the whole family to enjoy.

That's right, BALLBUSTER! The game so great, it has to be explained with a voice over that somehow manages to sound both creepy and sarcastic. Wink.

From the makers of BALLBUSTER, comes LAYING PIPE, the exciting board game where players compete to control the local water utility. And, don't forget GRAB ASS - last player to keep their donkey from escaping wins! You'll have hours of fun playing GRAB ASS with your friends.

(via funkyjunktrunk)

Labels: fun for 2 minutes

posted at 8:42 PM by the unbeatable kid
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Monday, March 03, 2008

The Evolution of Dance (According to Optimus Prime)

Further proving that 18-wheel truck drivers know how to "party," protector of the All Spark and all around bad mamma jamma Optimus Prime shows us all how one "gets busy."

(cross-posted at Mantisounds. I'm a little biased, but if you like pretty pictures and mind-melting dance music, it's the best site on the internets. Swing by for a visit sometime!)

Labels: Dance, mantisounds, rave magic, transformers

posted at 4:14 PM by Mantis
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